Friday, May 8, 2015

The Deli Man-Short Story

The Deli Man-Short Story

Okay nothing fancy here, this is just a short and quick story about your local grocery store deli man. The deli man wakes up in his bed before the sun is even out. His alarm clocked is a red haze of numbers that slowly come into focus and of course he is already running 15 minutes late. He rushes to get showered and ready for a day of work he could do without. He looks at himself in the mirror and contemplates calling in sick for the day, which he subconsciously does everyday without really thinking about it.

He drives to work through his crappy neighborhood full of crappy people of whom he could deal without. He fights traffic full of annoying drivers who are so much in a hurry to get nowhere. They have nothing to do, they don't even have to work that day or at all. Deli Man grits his teeth and drives on to the parking lot of his job.

While trying to cross the parking lot to his place of employment he is nearly struck by three or more cars each day. Drivers zoom past or in front of him like he isn't even there, sometimes he will get the blare of their horn or the vision of their middle finger, the same customers he will be serving with a smile he is forced to have just minutes from now.

He needs to use the bathroom but of course someone beats him there and slams the door shut so he waits. He eyes his ever-ticking and relentless wristwatch. Time does not stop for him...his time is nearly out. He instead punches into the time clock where certain individuals lurk above like vulchers waiting for him to try and commit time clock fraud and get him fired...there are always those watching his every move, waiting for him to make a mistake. These are the people he works for and with so far.

 On his way to the deli other store employees will either say hi to him or pretend he is not there, most will pretend to be preoccupied and not see him, while others will blatantly ignore him as they act better than him. The Deli Man does not care and pursues on. He dares to take a bottle of drinking water into his department for he gets thirsty, only to have it seized and thrown away by the department manager. So now he is without being treated humanely and he is without water. A great day surely to come and he hasn't even been there three minutes yet. He glances at his wrist watch and strangely the time that was flying by while he was running late, now seems to have slowed to a crawl. He curses under his breath.

He sees three of his co-workers in his department for the day he will work with. He gauges how his day will go based upon this and according to his calculations it will not go very well. A sick feeling in his stomach. 

He washes his hands and secretly despises his co-workers, most of them make him sick. There are about three of them that he does not mind so much however. He sees customers already on the counter, some of them are already waving there arms at him frantically as is they have been waiting in line since the Ice Age, even though they have barely been there around thirty eight seconds or so. He flashes a cool smile pretending that the ignorant morons don't bother him, but they do.

His name is Steve but a fat bald regular customer says, "Hey what's up Stevie?" This annoys him to no other. My name is Steve you fat bald fucker.  He wanted to slap the fat bald man right on top of his ridiculous melon skull. Instead he greeted the man politely offering the most authentic smile he could muster, that's what you had to do when you where a psychopath and wanted to blend in.

Steve hated the pretentious, arrogant, and the self important people who thought they were better than anyone else. He had his .45 handgun in his bag, which was in the backroom of the deli. He brought the gun with him everyday but had not used it so far. Should he? He pushed the thought into the very back of his mind for the moment like he did almost everyday.

He sliced meats and cheeses for nearly four hours while he listened to the boring and uneventful lives of his co-workers. He wondered how those miserable wretches had not ended there very own lives years ago? Would he have to end it for them? That was a possibility.

There were two women and one man in the department that kept him from doing unspeakable harm. He listened to them, he conversed with them and maybe even related to them in some ways.

He had another friend in the store by the name of Ashland. She was able to keep him at bay, he admired her in many ways. She puzzled him in a way that he couldn't describe. He often fell in thought about her but not in any kind of sexual way, a spiritual way. She held the key to something in his life he did not understand.

As he would leave work he would be angered on the way home by rude drivers, people at a fast food restaurant who were very impatient and wanted to push him back in line because they knew he worked in the food industry.

At home he went for his liquor cabinet, he eyed various bottles and came out with plain simple vodka. He poured himself what seemed like a couple of drinks only to realize that the entire bottle was almost gone. He checked his wrist watch again. Look at the damn time, almost 1am. I got home at 6pm, damn!

He lie in bed while he thinks about his day in a flash, as if it almost never happened. Did it actually happen? Or had his day ever began in the first place? Had he been having a nightmare the whole time? An extended dream? Was he really a successful business man dreaming of what might have happened to him if he had not gone to college?

The deli man wakes up in his bed before the sun is even out. His alarm clocked is a red haze of numbers that slowly come into focus and of course he is already running 15 minutes late. He rushes to get showered and ready for a day of work he could do without. He looks at himself in the mirror and contemplates calling in sick for the day which he subconsciously does everyday without really thinking about it. He places his .45 caliber handgun in his bag along with his lunch and bottle of water like he does everyday.

Okay some of you are fortunate enough to wake up from a nightmare like this, but The Deli Man cannot. Please try and be grateful for what you have and learn to treat people less fortunate than you are good. Do not treat them like trash, for some day you will wake up and be them. Your position in life is not permanent. What goes up must come down and vise versa.






Friday, October 3, 2014

Pets In Grocery Stores Or Restaurants?

The Gull is back to discuss irritable topics among other things. I have many people upset in my time with my opinions and frankly I really don't give a damn. Don't attempt to sensor me and tell me what I can and cannot say, and to whom I can say it to. I will continue to speak my mind how and when I want to whether people like it or not. With that out of the way here we go.

As you might know the sign to your left if pretty self explanatory to even the most intelligence challenged of individuals. Even if you can't read you can still see the photo.

NO PETS ALLOWED. This is what is says. We are talking an actual service animal that is a always a dog, not a pig, rabbit, snake or lizard, that is individually trained to aid and assist physically, mentally, or sensory disabled people. This is different from a "therapy dog" that is not honored by the statement on the sign.

So why are people just bringing their pets into food establishments that are not valid service animals at all? "He's my life companion." I heard a person say to defend bringing invalid animals into the store. "I'm depressed." Another said in defense as to why they are bringing an invalid non-service dog into food establishments.

You mean to tell me that you are so depressed you cannot afford to go to a store without your pet for just 30 minutes out of your day? Why don't we just convert our grocery stores to third world food markets where they have live goats, pigs, sheep, and other animals parading around the aisle while people shop?

Here is a message to all of you who bring your invalid pets into food establishments. LEAVE YOUR FREAKIN PETS AT HOME. Ahh...I feel a little bit better. To you idiotic store managers at these establishments who claim you cannot ask why your customers are bringing Chihuahuas in their grocery carts. Obviously if a customer is bringing a dog inside and placing it inside of a cart, this is not a service dog. It is providing no service to its owner or anyone else at this point. You have the right to enforce your "No Pet Policy."

So people, have some decency and stop bringing your lizards, snakes, pigs, birds or whatever into stores other than pet stores. If you would like to respond to anything that I have stated above in this blog please leave a comment below. If you are a food worker who feels the same as I do about this subject please voice your own opinion below. THE GULL HAS SPOKEN.

Follow me on Twitter here https://twitter.com/mistergull

Sunday, September 21, 2014

How To Cope With Stress!

Okay, this is The Gull. I am a feisty seagull who happens to feel really stressed lately in the office because of my pushy, demanding, condescending boss who I would like frankly to see him die. I know that sounds mean but you don't know him. He really sucks and I don't really know if he is human.

Like I said, there are horrible bosses out there that don't deserve an ounce of respect and you shouldn't give in to them at all.

Okay we understand your frustration but there are at least 3 things You're not telling your boss but should.

 She can finish up for your here. Tipsy Writer  She will tell you 3 things you need to tell you boss.





Monday, September 1, 2014

Proper Grocery Store Etiquette-2

Okay everybody here it goes. The Gull is Back again to discuss proper grocery store etiquette. Because of the horrible and nonsensical stuff I have seen while in a grocery store things have really ruffled my feathers. I will be discussing a few points of interests that really grind my gears.  If you are a delicate, sheltered, sensitive, easily offended individual than I suggest you get your sorry little prissy self important pansy ass out now! Oh wait, it's too late. You have already been offended if the above pertains to you. I make no apologies because I am the notorious Gull!

Okay, if you walk up to a deli or service counter of any kind do yourself and others a favor. When it is your turn to order get the hell off of your freakin cell phone you self important ridiculous moron!

Somebody is trying to serve you, yet you are acting like they are interrupting your freakin phone call. If you are ready to order get the hell off you phone and quit being a self important douch bag. Don't you dare try to stand there and shoosh the person who is trying to serve you because you cannot seem to take a few minutes away from your precious conversation.

Finally be patient. Sometimes custom service can take a while. If you don't have the patience to wait go and buy pre packaged items that you don't have to wait for.

Final words. Basically just try to use your brain and a little respect and common decency while shopping. It will make easier on both you the consumer and the hard workers that are trying their best to provide you with quality service. Hopefully I haven't offended 79.9 percent of you with this blog, if so that is just too bad. Haha, the Gull strikes again!

Monday, December 9, 2013

Proper Grocery Store Etiquette

I am not going to put a picture in this post because I don't feel it requires one. Today I would like to discuss a few things, one being stupid people.

People when you go out in public, try to conduct yourself properly. Don't be rude and don't try to screw people over with scams and other dishonest behavior. Do not steal from stores! Pay for your freakin merchandise or food. We don't need more parasites in our society.

Try to have a little common courtesy and decency. Treat workers with some respect. Don't try to use that "Customer's always right" NONSENSE. Because guess what? THE CUSTOMER IS ACTUALLY RARELY RIGHT. That's right. Most customers have no idea how things actually work, so they make all kinds of unreasonable and unattainable request because they are very ignorant about what ever particular industry.

The Gull does not go into a place such as deli and ask that brand new packages be opened for every deli meat that I choose. That's stupid and wasteful. If every customer was to partake in this activity tons of perfectly fine deli meat would be thrown away! With this mentality they have the nerve to criticize grocery stores of being wasteful.

Another thing, don't shop if you are in a hurry. It's all about proper planning. You don't want to wait in line? Too freakin bad! Poor planning on your behalf does not constitute an emergency on the employees' behalf. Wait your freakin turn patiently or get the heck out of the store.

Don't try to cut in line at the deli department, wait your turn and respect others. Don't demand custom made sandwiches when you walk up to a deli. They usually require 24 hours notice for such a thing. They are not equipped throughout the day for making sandwiches efficiently. You want a custom sandwich fast, go to Subway or Blimpie, there is usually one in every grocery store shopping center! Deli departments slice meat for you so you can go home and make your own sandwiches!

No it is not fresher, better or cheaper to get custom sandwiches from grocery store delis. Definitely not faster! Subway has fresh baked bread throughout the day, and the choice of numerous toppings usually for no extra charge. Except for extra cheese, meat, or avocado. Subway also specializes in subs so they are usually very fast at getting you what you need.

Bottom line people, don't be dumb. Try to think before you act, it could save you and others a lot of headaches. The Gull is signing out for now.

Wednesday, November 27, 2013

SnapChick Bikini 2013

The Gull here people. On this post I will be talking about photography concerning a girl called "SnapChick." She is very prevalent on YouTube with many informative videos. Okay I don't have a photo of SnapChick to share with you. Well I do but she will probably sue the pants off of me for copyright infringement! She has to find yet another way to keep her pockets full after all. Speaking of which you can buy her new ebook here! Buy Here Now

Let's cut to the chase. Let me ask you all a question. Does tequila and a bikini shoot go together? Do gulls have feathers? Heck yes they do! SnapChick made a video three years ago to celebrate her 50th youtube video. I love white girls who drink tequila by the way. Very sexy. She decided to shoot a video similar three years later with a twist.

She says a lot can happen in three years and bodies change. She grew her hair out quite a bit, but seemed to prefer her old short hair look. I have to say usually being a fan of long hair, the short hair did seem to look better on her. She clarifies she is not a "spring chicken" but not an "old lady" either.

Bottom line is that she was pleased with her second shoot of this type. Sign up as a SnapChick VIP at www.snapchick.com for a more in depth experience including snapchick VIP photos, blog snapchick, Chick at Nite, and much more. If you are a HUGE SnapChick fan and must know absolutely everything about her you can buy snap chick's, aka Brittany Leigh's new hot ebook here Buy Now And Save Here Watch the video below for yourself and enjoy, I sure did! Which looks better to you? Left or right in the thumbnail?

If you like her video stay tuned as I will be having more available with awesome links that you will enjoy. If you like photography tutorials you might want to check out my photography for beginners blog at www.martinmavenphotography.blogspot.com the site teaches various aspects of photography such as basic camera functions and settings. Lighting techniques and more are covered as well. I have featured some of my favorite professional photography tutors who all have different areas of knowledge in photography. One of them is bound to fit the type of photography you want to learn.


Tuesday, November 26, 2013

That Nikon Guy

That Nikon Guy also known as Matt Granger. His beautiful wife Tina and he are a great combination for useful photography tutorials on youtube.

I highly recommend watching his videos to learn a variety of photography techniques.

In this post I would like to talk about his single light portrait and how the direction of the light affects the outcome of the photo.

Tina's goth tinker bell outfit looked excellent by the way! Matt didn't get the outfit but the Gull understood just fine!

 Matt this will be short and painless as possible. He uses pocket wizards to trigger a yongnuo yn-560 with a shoot-through umbrella. People often send feedback and comment that his photos are too dark, but Matt prefers his photos moody and a little underexposed.

So next he decides to try some Rembrandt lighting. Light slightly off to one side. With Rembrandt lighting you get the little triangle light on the facing cheek and the shadow on the opposite cheek.

Shooting straight on her face creates what he calls a very flat image and no light sculpting. Next he uses the "Halloween" light which sits in front and just below Tina's waist level. A good position for the Gull, but not for lighting to be.

Next he decides to remove the shoot-through umbrella and use the bare flash. "You're going to blind me?" Tina says. Matt say yes he is going to do just that. Well at least he is honest.

Lol, he actually calls beautiful Tina model a Tranny, with man hands! Ah this guy has my rolling with laughter! The bad part is I can kind of see that in that particular photo! You look like a man from Thailand Tina! Not really, just kidding.

Anyway Matt Granger, this is what I thought of your single light portrait video. I told you this would be short and painless. Hello Tina, the Gull is a big fan of yours. More reviews to come!